THE THIRD DIMENSION OF TRUST
We talk a lot about diversity — the richness of different ideas and perspectives coming together. But the reality isn’t always comfortable.
It is human nature to desire harmony. We use meetings and discussions to drive towards agreement. People express their opinions — as far as they feel safe to do so — but eventually someone has to decide.
“I’ve heard what you all think. And this is what I think we should do.”
Some people get their way. Others don’t. But a decision has been made and we can all get into action.
But what if there’s another way?
Binary thinking
Most ‘good’ meetings are exchanges of opinion. We share our perspective, critique other people’s and try to persuade the decision-maker of our case.
That can feel healthy. But how rich is it really?
Where was the curiosity? The willingness to be influenced? The space to contemplate what was being said or dive deeper?
Moving from two dimensions to three
When I’ve talked about trust in the past, I’ve talked about two dimensions: being worthy of trust and being willing to trust.
But I think there is a third, increasingly important at a time when opinions are more polarised and there are fewer obvious ‘right’ answers.
Trusting yourself to sit with the discomfort of difference.
Don’t rush to resolve it
When we rush towards agreement, the more vulnerable voices in the room can disappear. Why keep speaking up if every contribution is immediately argued with or you’re under pressure to abandon your position?
Instead, what if we allowed different ideas to exist for a while without needing to defend, resolve or reconcile them?
Imagine people sharing their opinions and, rather than immediately searching for the way forward, we get curious.
“What are you seeing that I’m not seeing?”
“What experiences informed your perspective?”
“You’re incredibly passionate about your position. What really matters to you?”
We slow the conversation down. Instead of throwing opinions back and forth, we examine them — not only the data and evidence, but the thinking, beliefs, experiences and concerns behind them.
It’s uncomfortable. We want certainty. We want clarity. We want to get into action.
But rush through this and the decision is more likely to be shaped by whoever makes the most powerful case, has the strongest will or has the ear of the most powerful person in the room.
There may be no right answer
Curiosity can’t guarantee the right decision. There probably isn’t one. There is simply the best decision we can make for now, with the information we have.
But if we want the richness of different perspectives, we have to be able to tolerate the difference itself.
Trusting ourselves to let difference exist without immediately trying to make it right may be the third dimension of trust.
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If you want to discuss this approach and how it might work in your organisation drop me a line blaire@thatpeoplething.com and we’ll get a meeting in the diary.
